Irritating.

My husband’s job is irritating. 

I have been gone for 8 days and was really looking forward to coming home. 

He picked me up from the airport, took me home, hung out with me for about an hour, and then went back to work around 3. He said he had to go out after work because they were buying a guy a drink for passing a big interview. NBD.

Well since I was exhausted, I took a nap. I woke up at like 8 and realized I hadn’t heard from him. I text him, and he says, “Oh, we are at dinner now.” Umm, so buying someone a drink turns into eating dinner, and he’s not home until 10:30. I was pissed. 

Then today he goes to work early, and I knew they were taking their current boss out after work because he’s retiring. He told me that I could probably come. Great, I was looking forward to getting out of the house.  So I hear from him around noon, saying no one else’s significant other is coming out tonight, but I could come if I wanted. Really? No thanks, I don’t want to an extra wheel that is obviously not wanted. So here we go again, I’m sure he’ll be out late. And I’ll be here at home, hanging out with the dog.

If I would have known that I was coming home to be alone all hours of the day, I would have just stayed with my family in MS longer. At least I’d have someone to talk to, and I’d get to eat dinner with someone besides myself.

His problem is that he just does not know how to say “NO” when it comes to over committing to social outings. He feels like he always has to say yes, when that’s not really the case. For instance, last night, after they had the drink, he could have said, “thanks for the dinner invite, but I think I’m going to head home tonight” and no one would have cared. From my perspective, it’s incredibly selfish to stay out when I’ve been gone for over a week. 

Now to teach him how to stop being a pushover! AHHHHH

I logged into livejournal today for the first time in years and read some my old entries. Wow, it’s so interesting what a few years can do. I didn’t even recognize that person. She was so unhappy with her job, unhappy with her life, and lonely. On days like today when I’m studying health education material for hours for my comp exam, and I am wondering what the hell I’ve gotten myself into, I know reading that stuff that it was worth it. 

My architecture friends always seem to try to talk me ‘back’ into it - asking if I think I’ll ever work in the profession again; if I’ll ever sit for my exams. And I know resoundingly that answer is NO. I am not subjecting myself to that again. I do not regret my undergrad degree or the work I did after - I met lots of wonderful people and gained a lot of important life experiences. But I have no idea how I would have made a life-long career out of it. I got a second chance to follow my heart and when I walk across that stage and get my master’s degree in May, I will consider myself insanely lucky that I got a second chance. 

Now, back to studying… I have to take an exam in approximately 3 weeks that encompasses everything I’ve learned in my 5 core classes of my degree. YIKES.

Every single time my husband talks to his mother she asks when I’m gonna get a job. Really? Why does she care? It’s supremely annoying.

ugh.

sometimes the internets suck.

There was a guy that I met at a church camp (hahaha) when I was 14. He lived on the other side of the state, we made out, went home, fell out of touch. Got back in touch briefly when I was 16 or so, I went to his prom with him, but as a friend. Fell out of touch again. He somehow found me again when I was a college senior (I think he transferred to my college). We met up once for coffee, it was pretty obvious we just didn’t have anything in common anymore. At some point after I’d finished college, gotten married, and moved away, he added me on Facebook. I obliged, but got tired of his offensive ultra-conservative posts and deleted him. This was a long time ago. I just got an email that he started following me on twitter. WTF??? I don’t have my twitter listed on FB or anywhere else (I don’t even have my full name on the account). How the fuck did he find me? He doesn’t have my current email address, either. He is now a pastor (OMFG) and married with a kid. Why does he insist on keeping tabs on me? We are not friends! 

Sorry for the rant but this kind of stuff irritates me. And it’s possible I’m reading too much into this, but you think someone would get the point. All I have to say is that his ultra-conservative self is NOT going to love the ultra-liberal things I post on twitter…

My dilemma has turned out to not be a dilemma. Papa George passed away this morning, and before I said anything, my mom said that no one expected me to come. I will send flowers and that will be it. 

One again, I turned a molehill into a mountain in my head. That’s what I do. 

I do feel badly for my grandma. She’s 15 years younger than him, and I know she will be terribly lonely. They were somewhat codependent - as in, she waited on him hand and foot, so I know she’s going to be lost without having someone to take care of. Anyway, I’m rambling now.

I have a dilemma. 

My step-grandfather has rapidly gone downhill this week and they don’t expect he’ll make it through this week. This will be the first of my grandparents that has passed away in my lifetime. (He is 93.)

However, I wouldn’t say I am particular close to them. My mom married my stepdad when I was 2; they considered me to be their first ‘grandchild’. I spent a lot of time at their house as a small child. However, as I got older, I grew further apart from them. So I say all this to say - they perhaps see our relationship a little differently than I do. Without going into a lot detail, I think my relationship with them has been colored differently since seeing them as an adult, and being really turned off by their opinions and views of the world. 

Here’s the dilemma. I checked flights to anywhere near my hometown next week, and flights are all over $700. I really can’t afford that. I mean, that’s astronomical!

I also really dislike funerals in general, and I would rather celebrate his life in my own way, rather than his death in a setting like that. 

However, I am really worried they are going to be offended if I don’t come. I feel like it’s offensive to say I am not coming because the flight’s too expensive. Does that make sense? I just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. 

This is hard.